Whoa.
All out, all out! What's the matter, a holdup?
Nope, they missed us. This is as far as we go.
Wait. It says three miles to Wagon Gap.
That's as close as we go, partner.
That sign is a warning. Nobody that ain't loco ever goes closer.
I hope you sell your wares.
I hear tell there's a lot of money in Wagon Gap.
The only problem is to live long enough to get it out.
Partner, which way you say it was to Wagon Gap? That way.
That way? Come on, Duke. Wait a minute.
What are you scared of? Wagon Gap.
We'll sell our wares tonight and leave for California in the morning.
If you boys are going into Wagon Gap, strap on a couple of shootin'irons.
If you can bluff'em, you might live till morning.
He's got something there.
How much will you take for those guns? Fifty dollars.
It's a deal. There you are. Thanks.
Aw, Duke, that ain't fair. What's wrong?
Look. Yours is much longer than mine! So what?
All you have to do is stand closer to whoever is shooting at you.
As long as you boys are going into Wagon Gap, would you mind taking this mail?
Why, certainly! There you are.
Giddyap, horse.
"Joe Bazzo, Erskine Lakes.
"Dear Sal, this is to let you know...
"we are building a new log house where the old log house stood.
"We are using the logs from the old log house to build the new log house,
but we are going to let the old log house stand until the new log house is built. "
I don't get it. What are you reading other people's mail for?
What are you ducking for? You scared?
Come on, get with it.
Duke, let's go in here. It's safe.
Chester, come out of there! You don't belong in there.
What's the matter? Tired? Sit down. Yeah.
Come on. Let's go.
Chester, don't let this town scare you. You gotta keep saying,
"I must be brave. I must be strong. " Say it to myself?
Certainly! I must be brave. I must be strong.
Now you're talking!
I must be brave. I must be strong.
I must be nuts!
Oh, no, you don't!
Come back with that merchandise! What are you gonna do?
Be just as tough as they are! You never shot one of those.
What's the difference? Get out your gun.
I never shot one either. Take the gun out. We'll fix them.
What am I gonna do with it? Shoot it off! Up in the air.
But it makes a noise. C'mon, shoot it off!
It's Fred Hawkins! That's nice shooting, partner.
And you got him right through the heart.
I got him? I shot over there. He fell over here.
Then that really is nice shooting!
Jake Frame's been tryin' to get rid of this varmint!
C'mon inside. He'll set up the drinks free.
I told you shooting was the only way to come into this town.
Wait a minute. This man's just been killed.
So? Who's upset? I am.
Judge? Judge Benbow?
Judge?
Jim, what are you and the Citizens' Committee riled about now?
I demand that those men be charged with murder and held for trial.
Well, now, I don't know, Jim.
It looks like a friendly shootin' affair to me. Self-defense.
Fred there's got a gun in his hand.
There have been 10 killings in the last week...
and not one man has been brought to trial.
What sort of law do we have here? All right, if you insist.
What's the deceased got on him?
Twelve dollars and this knife in his hip pocket.
I hereby fine the deceased $12 for carrying concealed weapons.
Just a minute, Judge. You heard what the judge said.
Yeah, just a minute, Judge. Stay out of this, Frame.
This is one pair of killers you're not getting off.
Simmer down. I'm on your side.
Just what kind of a trial was that? Jake, I...
Strangers come into town and shoot down one of our best-beloved citizens...
And you want to let them get away with it.
What's got into you? That's the fellow that was gonna buy us a drink?
It isn't safe for a man to walk the streets of Wagon Gap.
You said it. That fellow almost fell on me.
If the law won't do something, we better do something.
I'm thinkin' a little taste of rope is called for!
Wait a minute.!
Judge Benbow, stop this. You nor anybody is stopping this hanging, Simpson.
Get outta the way. You're obstructing justice!
Is that hard to do? No, no. You'll soon get the hang of it.
Try this on for size. Sixteen and one-half.
How's that? That tickles.
Yeah? That did it. It don't tickle no more.
The Citizens' Committee is headed this way. Get goin', boys.
We gotta stall 'em. Stall 'em? Oh, stall 'em!
Ever hear the story about the traveling salesman? They've heard that.
Yes, and it ain't funny. Wait a minute!
What about our personal possessions?
Don't you want to send something to your dear mother for a keepsake?
My mother? Yes! To your mother.
Oh, my mother! I would like to send some stuff to my mother.
Would you take care of this stuff for me? I'd be happy to.
It's priceless, this stuff.
Hold that please. Give it to him.
String 'em up!
Sorry to spoil your party. This is gonna be done legally.
Since when are you the law? I don't see the sheriff's badge.
Somebody put a bullet hole through it.
Till we can keep a live sheriff, the committee's taking over.
We're seeing that these men get a fair trial. Fair enough.
And I'll see to it thatJudge Benbow gives it to 'em.
C'mon, boys!
Just because he don't like you, he's mad at us. Don't be ungrateful.
If it wasn't for Mr. Simpson, we'd be dead.
If it wasn't for Mr. Simpson, we'd be on our way to California.
Give us a couple of horses and show us the road.
We'll call it even. The only road you're taking is to Wagon Gap.
You're charged with a killing, and you're gonna stand trial.
You can figure out your plea.
I'll plead insanity.
And I can prove it too.
This court will now come to order.
Close down that bar!
And quit gambling for a few minutes!
Will the jury file in.
I object! Order in the court!
He objected...
to what you said.
I figured you might be wanting a jury...
so, to save time, I picked one for you.
Look!
That's the gang that was gonna hang us.
To keep everything legal,
in case you don't like any member of thejury, you can challenge him.
I'll fight that little shrimp there. Order!
Order in the court!
Young man, in about two shakes, I'll hold you in contempt.
Judge, quit stalling. Let's get this over with. Okay, Jake.
Hmm.
As the judge, I hereby sentence you two coyotes...
Just a minute, Your Honor.
I'd like the court's permission to say a few words to the defendants.
I don't know, Jim. We're keeping Jake's business shut down,
and these delays are costing him money.
But go ahead and make it snappy. Thank you, Your Honor.
Boys,
it strikes me mighty curious thatJake Frame's so anxious to get you hung.
I'd like to know why. Don't ask us. We're strangers.
If you'll string along with me, I've got an angle to keep you alive.
All right, Mr. Simpson. We're in back of you. Good.
Your Honor, the defendants are willing to plead guilty...
to the charge of killing Fred Hawkins in a gun duel.
He did it again. He said we did it.
Now they'll hang me. Are you guilty?
No. Then what are you worrying about?
Oh.
Jim, the court thanks you for simplifying matters.
I hereby sentence you two coyotes... Your Honor,
may I remind you that you have a jury? I picked them, didn't I?
You picked some before they were ripe!
Shut up, you.!
You boys want to get your heads together and bring in a verdict of...
Your Honor, I suggest you first acquaint the jury...
with the statutes pertaining to dueling.
Jim, let's not get all snarled up in legal folderol.
I have the statues. Would you like me to read them?
Or would you prefer to quote them from memory?
No, no. Go ahead.
Section 86-97 of the penal code of the sovereign state of Montana.
"If any person slays or permanently disables another person in a duel,
"the slayer must provide for the maintenance...
of the wife of the slain and for the minor children. "
And Section 86-98...
"Said slayer must pay all debts of the person slain. "
What does he mean? Yes.
Oh. In simpler language, the law makes these men responsible...
for all the obligations of the deceased...
both to his family and his creditors.
Hawkins owed me $50, Your Honor.
Considering what Hawkins owed me, I'd say that's a right good law.
As a matter of fact, Jake, I think so myself.
Especially the part about them maintaining the widow.
Well, this is it. I don't see any corn growing.
The widow don't grow corn.
Then what's that scarecrow doing in the yard? Who you calling a scarecrow?
You scatterbrained numskull!
Ah, the Widow Hawkins!
Howdy, Mrs. Hawkins. These are them. The culprits, huh?
Mrs. Hawkins, I'm awful sorry. Oh, think nothin' of it!
I ain't hypocrite enough to shed tears for Hawkins.
He wasn't any good. All he ever did was drink and gamble.
Hawkins, come here!
All he ever did was drink and gamble. Come on, Duke!
Nice dog.
Go on, Wolf. You have the situation well under control, ma'am.
Guess we can get back to town. Just a minute, Judge.
As long as our main obligation is to take care of Mrs. Hawkins and the kids,
why can't we make some kind of a financial arrangement? Such as?
We'll give her some cash now and send a little every month from California.
How much you got? Well, let me see.
Hmm, I have $70.
Precisely the amount the deceased owed me. Poker the other night.
Duke, think of something else. I have.
Judge, there was only one bullet found in the body of the deceased.
You can't hold both of us. It's not legal.
Don't get technical. You got a point, Eagan.
Yes, and he's pointing it at me. Quiet.
Ma'am, we have to keep this thing legal. We've got to let one go.
Which one do you prefer?
Well... ain't much to pick from, is there?
The little one looks good, but maybe the big one would be a better worker.
Ahem. Judge, you have no objections if we gamble for this?
There's no law against gambling providing it's honest.
I'll play it as honest as you would. Go ahead.
Take a card.
Any one? Any card. I won't even look.
Don't look at it! You didn't give me a chance.
Don't try to cheat. Play it on the up and up.
What card were you thinking of? What card?
What card were you thinking of? C'mon, get it over with.
I was thinking of the nine of clubs. Oh, no. It was the eight of spades.
That's the card you were thinking of? That was the card.
How do you know it was the eight of spades? Just a minute!
What does that look like? The eight of spades.
That ain't fair. Just a minute, please.
You, you, you! I'll leave it to the judge. Judge?
That's the way I'd have done it. That's what I thought.
Good-bye, ol' pal. I'm going to miss you.
On my way to California, I'm going to be alone and desolate,
left with nothing but fond memories of our long friendship.
Good-bye, Chester, old boy. Good-bye, Duke.
Ma'am, take good care of him.
I feel terrible bein' the cause of you two good friends partin'.
It'll be hard for me for a while, but I'll get over it.
Judge, my money. What money?
You found me innocent. Therefore I don't have to pay Hawkins's debts.
That's right.
Son, it sort of cracks my heart to separate you two fellows.
So I'm gonna do you a kindness.
I hereby appoint you custodian of the guardian.
And as such, you will see...
that he carries out the terms of his sentence.
What's that for? Legal fees.
But... that's not... That's not legal.
Just as legal as that card trick of yours.
Ma'am, they're both yours. I'll get back to town. Good afternoon, gents.
All right, men. Let's go.
Are you satisfied?
Now we're both stuck on this broken-down ranch with nothing to do but work.
Hey, it could be pretty nice work too.
Juanita?
Come here.!
This is Juanita, my eldest. How do you do? I'm Duke Eagan.
This is my pal, Chester Wooley.
This one's your new guardian.
And this is a critter that needs guarding.
She's got some frisky notions I'm expecting you to halter.
I don't think you'll be mean to me, Mr. Wooley,
or can I call you Daddy? Oh, ho-ho.
What's the matter with you?
I'm a guardian to the guardian, but you can call me... Call him Duke.
Juanita, get in the house and rustle up something for supper.
You fellows go to the pump and wash up.
Go with 'em, Wolf.
I hope this soup's just right.
If I'm any judge of character,
the way to Mr. Wooley's heart is through his stomach.
You don't have to cotton to him, Ma. He's a prisoner of war.
When a woman gets to be my age, the only way she can be sure of a man is to marry him.
I've got the young'uns to think of.
Suppose Mr. Wooley isn't the marrying kind?
Oh, every man's the marrying kind!
All you got to know is how to go about gettin' him.
More flies are caught with honey than vinegar.
So beginning now, I'm a woman of honeyed words.
Everything I say to Mr. Wooley will be sweet as nectar.
My muted voice will be tuned to the strings of his heart.
My touch will be feathery light as I stroke those strings...
to bring forth a dulcet melody of love.
What ifhoney doesn't work on Mr. Wooley?
Then I'll hog-tie him! Come and get it!
Matt, get outta there!
Beginning tonight, Mr. Wooley sits at the head of the table.
Ma? Git before I take a ladle to you.
Take your rightful place, Mr. Wooley.
Mr. Eagan, you sit on Mr. Wooley's left hand...
and, Matt, you sit on his right hand.
What do I eat with? My feet? Oh, sit down.
Ha-ha. Fooled ya!
Ha! Ha, ha. Ha!
Sit down. What's the matter with you? Okay.
Mr. Wooley, help yourself to some bread, fresh baked,
especially for you.
Duke, can I have a piece of bread?
Help yourself. There's none there.
Have a piece of mine. Hog, don't eat so fast!
Mr. Wooley, have a piece of my bread.
Thank you. You're such a good child.
Soup's one of my best dishes. Try it, Mr. Wooley.
Please excuse yourself.
I didn't do nothing. See that it don't happen again.
Go on, eat your soup.
Go on, eat your soup! Yes, sir.
I told you not to let that happen again.
Excuse yourself! I didn't do nothing.
It's the soup. Don't blame it on the soup.
I don't have to brag about my soup, Mr. Wooley. It speaks for itself.
You can say that again. Oh, eat your soup.
It's that good, huh? Mm-mmm, delicious.
That's okay with me. Listen,
don't hurt the widow's feelings. I won't say nothing.
Look, eat the soup whether you like it or not.
So I'll make a face. What do I care? Just eat your soup.
Stop talkin' and let me eat my soup. Eat it.
Ahem, ahem. You got a frog in your throat?
Of course not.
I'm sorry. It's the way he eats at home.
What's the matter? Yeah, the soup.
You can't dive into it. Just eat it.
What's the matter with you?
Is something wrong? What is it?
You've got a tongue, haven't you?
What? Eh?
You're trying to say something.
Well, bring it out!
It's a fine conversation.
Very interesting. Eat your soup.
Duke, will you eat my soup and let me eat your soup?
Will that make you happy? Very happy.
My goodness, take it. Thank you ever so much.
I'll take care of it.
Thank you very much. It's all right.
How is it? You heard what the widow said.
Her soup speaks for itself. Not only that. It will talk back to you.
You don't know what you're talking about. I don't.
Are you expecting company? No, but you are.
You eat too dainty! Quiet.
Go on, eat. Delicious.
Dig right in!
It ain't nice to do those things.
Will you please make up your mind?
Eat your soup. Eat yours.
What a night.
I love the stars
I love the moon
I'd love December
If it came in June
I... Yi-yi-yi.
Lovely.
Did you like it? Uh-huh. Sit down, Mr. Wooley.
Thank you.
Ah, loose your tie.
Go ahead! I don't know you that well.
Land sakes, man. I want you to make yourself to home.
Mr. Wooley, I ain't a person to beat around the bush.
I'm a woman. You're a man. That's the nicest thing anybody ever said to me.
Well, Mr. Wooley, Chester,
a woman means a lot to a man, and a man can mean a lot to a woman.
Me and Hawkins didn't get along. He never come home.
I've been a lonesome woman these past few years.
I know just how you feel.
I've been awful lonesome myself. Have you?
Haven't you ever wanted somebody...
waitin' for you when you come home at night?
Somebody... Somebody to kiss you when you open the front door?
Someone whose hair you caress with a loving touch?
Someone whose presence would cheer and warm you?
Haven't you ever wanted to embark on the sea of matrimony?
Your boat of bridal wreath and orange blossoms...
crosses the shoals of acquaintance into the sea of affection.
The tempest of love causes the waves of emotion...
to toss you helter-skelter, hither and thither,
here and yon, round and round.
Stop, stop.
Stop the boat. I'm gettin' seasick.
Ah, Mr. Wooley, I'm not a forward woman.
All my life I've been shy and bashful,
just a rosebud afraid to bloom.
But now I'm takin' the bull by the horns!
Sit down!
I've been tryin' to convey to you in an indirect way that I'd consider matrimony.
That is, after you've been here a bit.
You mean,
me and you get married?
Will ya?
Shh.
We shouldn't let the children hear this. Uh-uh.
No!
Duke? Duke!
The widow wants to marry me. Well, congratulations.
My little pal embarking on the sea of matrimony. Stop, stop.
I just made that trip, and I am not going to get married.
I wouldn't be so hasty. There's ways of making you change your mind.
And you too! Now get to bed.
There's work to be done in the morning.
Watch 'em, Wolf!
I don't like the looks of this. Should we make a getaway?
Get down. Wait a minute.
That dog knows what we're talking about.
How does the dog know you said "getaway"?
Duke, don't say those words.
Nice doggy, nice doggy.
Lie down. Lie down. Uh-oh!
Hey, Duke, I think I got him fooled.
When he ain't looking, we'll make a g-e-t-a-w-a-y.
How do you like that? He can spell too.
Chester, we've got to find some way of getting rid of that dog.
Duke, fire stick.
Right.
Nice doggy. Nice doggy. Hold it.
Nice doggy. Sit still.
You go out and open up the door. Hold him.
Nice doggy.
Don't bite. Look, doggy.
Show him the stick!
Doggy, c'mon.
Take it easy now. Nice doggy.
We were just on our way to bed.
Nighty-nighty-nighty.
Hey! Hey!
That ain't fair. It's cold down here, and you've got your coat on.
Why haven't you, Mr. Wooley?
It's time you were dressed.
There's water to be drawn, the cow to be milked,
the chicken coop fixed, the fence whitewashed.
I'll get the children up to help me. Don't you dare!
After all, you're not their father, Mr. Wooley.
Or... has your heart softened?
No, ma'am. Then get to work.
The lower forty needs plowin',
the harness needs sewin'.
If I do all that today, I'll have nothing left for tomorrow.
Don't worry, I'll think of somethin',
unless you've reconsidered my offer of marriage.
Mrs. Hawkins, marriage is nothing but a three-ring circus.
First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...
and then "suffer-ing. "
Duke? Duke!
I'm not gonna take the bed. What do you want?
The widow's awful mad. She's gonna work my head off.
Will you help me? All right, I'll help you.
I'll stay here and watch the kids.
Ohh!
Here's the water.
Now look what you've done!
No water, no breakfast. Now get goin'!
Here's the water.
Pour it in the kettle. Yes, ma'am.
Oh, boy, am I full. Oughta be after all those pancakes.
How 'bout those six eggs he ate?
Aw, shut up.
Mrs. Hawkins? Dinner will be at noon.
I haven't had my breakfast. Them that ain't here on time don't eat.
If I don't eat, I can't work. It's your own fault.
Mr. Wooley, I'm a tenderhearted woman.
I'm filled with the milk of human kindness.
I'm overflowing with the love of mankind.
Mine is a tender heart, ever ready to take into its fold...
the tired, the sick, the weary.
Do you get what I'm driving at?
Yes, ma'am, but you're trying to hitch up to the wrong horse.
Why don't you make Duke do some work? I hate to admit this,
but I had to tell Mrs. Hawkins about my heart trouble.
Heart trouble? Don't shout like that.
You, you... No, no. Work makes me sick.
I guess I'll just have to lie around.
That won't be hard. You're the best liar around these parts.
Don't talk to Mr. Eagan like that. Get to work.
Betsy needs shoein' so I can drive her to town.
The children will meet you in the barn and point her out.
Now git!
Mrs. Hawkins... Git!
Heart trouble.
Wish I'd have thought of it.
Which one is Betsy? That one? Ah, that's Betsy.
Your mother said I got to shoe her.
Land sakes, what's the commotion?
Mr. Wooley's shoeing Betsy, so he thinks.
Mr. Wooley, what on earth?
I had to lend her mine.
Ma!
Ma! Ma!
Ma!
Ma.!
Ma!
What are you making all this noise for? I can't sleep.
Give me that brush. Ma!
Mrs. Hawkins, I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm getting dishpan hands.
It's your own fault. Keep on scrubbing. Ma! Ma!
Get to the front quick. There's gonna be trouble.
Juanita's talking with Jake Frame, and I just saw Jim Simpson comin'.
I've had enough trouble with Jake Frame.
Wooley, chase him off the place. Get goin'!
Mr. Wooley, when I tell you to do something,
don't stop and play. C'mon!
Mr. Wooley, I want you to throw that ornery skunk off my property.
I was fixin' to do that, Mrs. Hawkins.
Why don't you start? This is a family affair. Throw him out!
Mr. Frame? He don't wanna go.
Jake came to get my answer about coming to work at the Round-Up.
There's that matter of $1,100 owed me by your late husband.
It's generous ofJake to give me a chance to pay off the family debt.
Young lady, as long as I'm your guardian...
you will never step inside that saloon.
Good for you, Wooley!
Watch out for the flowers. Hey.
I've got Hawkins's IOUs.
IfJuanita doesn't work for me, somebody else is going to work off that debt.
Working in a saloon might be good experience for a girl. According to the law, Wooley,
that's your responsibility. But I work here all day!
You'll work for me at night. Be at the Round-Up at 7:00.
The widow's on the warpath. You better do something.
Do you think she could use a 75-year-old man? 75?
That's how old I'm gonna be before I pay backJake Frame.
Talking about money,
this is all the money I've made since I've been working here.
Some guy tipped me a big penny and thought he was doing me a big favor.
Say, that's a $20 gold piece.
Chester, we're on our way.
We'll ride that to California. Ain't it a little small for both of us to sit on?
I'm going in that poker game. Then watch my smoke. Suppose you lose.
Oh, no, certainly not. With your help, I can't.
Come here.
Well, what do you boys do?
Bet 50.
I'll see that and up it 100.
I'll call that, and I'll raise it 100.
Let's bump it again.
I'll see that...
and up it another 100. That's all for me.
I'll call that. I got a straight.
All blue, boys. Back to the mines for me.
What do you know? Sure had a lucky streak.
How much did we win? Well, not enough to pay off everything,
but a couple more games like this and we're on our way to California.
Cash me in.
Look, don't let Frame know that we won this money.
Frame.
That's me.
Frame!
Frame. Here, put your ashes here.
I'm so busy and so tired, Mr. Frame.
Looks like you had a streak of luck, Eagan.
How 'bout you and me sitting down to a couple of hands?
He can't. He's gotta go home right away. Mrs. Hawkins is waiting.
Oh, no, I ain't.! Oh, yes, you...
I'm here to see you, Frame.
You and me's got to have a showdown about Wooley. Stay where you are!
This day and night work ain't a-workin' out.
He no more gets through working for me, when he goes to work for you.
Then he no more gets through working for you, when he goes to work for me.
He'll be an old man before his time. My offer still stands.
I'll be glad to replace him forJuanita. Juanita's staying home.
In that case, we can't do business.
I was just talkin' to Eagan about a poker game.
We'll play it three ways. We get a stack of chips.
Eagan puts up his roll against our interest in Wooley.
Whoever wins gets the money and full possession of Wooley.
You can count me out.
Duke, go ahead and play. If you win, I'm free. No, I...
Yeah, yeah. All right, I'm in!
How 'bout you, Mrs. Hawkins? I don't believe in gambling.
Gambling's a sinful, crime-breeding curse. Where are the cards?
Sit down, Mrs. Hawkins. I'll take over, Joe.
There you are.
Wait a minute. Women first.
How 'bout Mrs. Hawkins dealing?
All I know about cards is what Hawkins told me. I never played before.
We won't have any trouble with her. Certainly not.
You never played cards before?
Uh-uh.
Cut 'em. Cut 'em? Where'd you learn that?
Hawkins. Hawkins. You heard what the lady said, cut 'em.
Ante up.
Hawkins.
Hawkins! Hawkins!
I'll open. I'll stay.
What do I do now?
Give me two cards.
I'll take one.
I'm standin' pat.
Hawkins?
Two reds.
Well...
I'll see your two and I'll raise you two.
I don't want to cast any reflections, but...
a person has to think twice before buckin' luck like yours.
You may have me beat and then again you mightn't.
Wooley, stop skitterin'! And put that spittoon down.
I gotta... Put it down!
I'll see your bet... and sweeten it a little.
I'll stay.
Well...
I'll see that...
and I'll raise you two.
I'll tell you what.
Let's get this over with in one hand. Shoot the works.
All I can lose is Wooley, and that ain't much.
I'm in.
Overworked. Let him lay. He needs the rest.
You pay him. Sure.
I have invested my cash in Widow Hawkins's property.
I've got a fat deal there.
Duke? Pardon me.
We've got to get out, or I'm gonna be a bride. Beat it!
I'm tryin' to do a little promoting. A lot of"symphony" I get.
Go ahead!
Sweetheart, how would you like to finance an expedition to California?
Wooley, come here.
Would you excuse me, please? Okay, bub.
I thought you went home with the widow.
I did... but I came back again.
Mr. Frame, I wish you'd a-won me in the game.
Working here is much easier than marrying her. So that's it.
Wooley, I'm beginning to really feel sorry for you.
How would you like to earn a couple of fast horses and a stake to California?
If you'd give us the horses, you can forget the steak.
I'm not hungry, just tired.
A miner friend is getting worried about the amount of gold he's got.
If you can get the information from your friend, Jim Simpson,
as to when the next bullion shipment is coming through,
I can ship my friend's gold along with it.
If I ask him that, you'll give us the horses? That's right.
I'll go over and ask him. Don't give him any reasons.
My friend wants to keep it confidential. Oh, a secret.
You don't want the stage-holdup guys to find out about it.
That's right. I won't tell them.
I won't tell nobody but you.
I'm smart. I got brains I haven't used yet.
Well, don't let 'em go to your head.
Hello, Chester! Just the man I'm looking for.
What'll it be? A shot of milk. Make it a double.
What do you want to talk to me about? Shh, shh.
When is the next gold shipment coming in? Why do you want to know?
Mr. Frame says I mustn't tell.
But if I find out, he will do me a big favor.
Oh. Well, in that case, I'll be glad to help.
The next shipment's due on... Thursday. Thursday?
Oh, good! Let's have a drink on that.
Thursday. Good luck.
Thursday. Thursday.
What's up? You know the gold's comin' through on Wednesday.
We can set a trap for Frame and his gang the day after...
and catch 'em robbing the coach red-handed.
California's the land of golden opportunity.
You'll have a stocking full of gold!
I've got that now, and I'm gonna keep it.
Duke, we're practically on our way to California. What are you talking about?
The gold shipment is coming in Thursday.
All I've got to do is tell Frame.
He'll give us horses and the money.
You can't tell him that. He's the one they suspect.
Suspect of what? Of all the stagecoach robberies.
Oh, what am I gonna do? Tell him the shipment's going through Wednesday.
You'll be doing yourself and the Citizens' Committee a big favor.
Tell him Wednesday? Yes!
When he finds out, what will he do to me?
We'll be on our way to California. C'mon.
Mr. Frame... Wednesday. Good.
When do we get the horses? They'll be in the barn Wednesday night...
after I've checked your information.
Mr. Frame... You and your big ideas.
Now I'm in worse trouble.
If you tell Frame the truth, think of the hole it'll putJim in.
Duke, if Frame finds out I'm lying,
think of the hole he'll put me in!
I was just coming home.
I'll take care of you later. Where's Juanita? She should be home in bed.
Keep your hands in your pocket She should be, but she ain't.
That's her voice! She's in there. We just left.
Now you're going back in.
Find Jim Simpson and bring him here. Lead the way, Wooley.
You heard what Ma said! "Lead the way, Wooley. "
Make the cash box ring ting-a-ling
Before the night's any older
Set 'em up, Bill and fill up the till
If you have gold then you're welcome
Juanita? Juanita!
Shut up, yourselves!
You can have what's nice if you have the price
Wooley, drag her off that stage!
Me? Yes, you!
Ain't you the one that forbid her to set a foot in this place?
Go on! Go ahead!
You've got everything I want Juanita?
Your mama wants you to go home! Sit down!
Get her off there, Wooley!
Juanita, you've gotta come home with the family.
Juanita, come on home. Your mama wants you!
Juanita, c'mon home! Wait a minute. Frame says let her stay.
I say, take her out! Stop that!
Ow! Ohhh!
Leave that child alone!
Are you gonna let her get up on that stage?
Are you? Go ahead and shoot me and inherit this family.
Go ahead. Not me.
Oh, c'mon. Oh, no. I don't want 'em.
You don't want 'em? Quiet, all of you.
He don't want 'em!
Oh.
Anybody else want my job?
Eh? No.
Eh? Anybody wanna take my job?
Juanita, you heard your mother. Home.
C'mon. Home. Come on!
Wooley! Look at that.
Not a man in town who'd dare lay a hand on him.
Jim, are you thinking the same thing I am?
I am.
There you are, Chester.
Now you can take your place with the famous sheriffs of the West.
Why didn't you hire one of them? They're all dead.
They're all dead? Dead! Don't worry, Chester.
Keep this picture and show it when you have to,
and you'll bear a charmed life.
Suppose I should happen to meet some nearsighted gunman?
That'll be his tough luck. Oh, I see.
If he kills me, he'll have to take care of the widow.
That would make him a dead duck.
And me too.
Where's the sheriff? Where's the sheriff?
There's gonna be lead flyin'. Some drunk's fixin' for a fight.
Chester? Where'd he go?
He went thataway.
Chester, get up. This is your big chance.
Tell 'em to stop the shooting, or you'll run 'em all in! Show 'em you're not afraid.
Throw out your chest. They'll fill it full of holes.
Go ahead! Don't push! All right, don't push.
I didn't get this badge for nothin'.
Go ahead.
That boy's got what it takes. I don't wanna go.
I'll go!
You get us some law and order, Wooley,
and we'll get the railroad to come through Wagon Gap yet!
I'm donating you in the interest of good government.
Me and the family are with you. I'm depending on it.
Oh, yes. Ohhh.
Mrs. Hawkins? Oh, go on down there and act like a sheriff,
or I'll send you to the ranch and really put you to work. All right.
Law and order.
If you had any nerve, you'd go in there and stop them yourself.
If this doesn't work... You'll think of something else for somebody else to do.
I'm in town for a good time, see?
I'll blast your heads off! Stop disgracin' me!
Haven't you got any red blood in your veins? Yes, and I'm gonna keep it there.
Go on in!
Don't move, anybody.
If you're tired oflivin', we'll shoot it out.
I don't want another word outta any of you!
Oh, no, you don't!
Now you fellows in here will have to stop shootin'...
because you're makin' a lot of noise.
The horses are jumpin' up and down, scarin' the women.
Now remember...
don't aggravate me. No more shootin'.
Now look, everybody!
This shooting has gotta stop.
Hey, little boy. You! Fat little boy.
You! Come here, little boy.
What're you doin' wearing a man's pants?
I'm the new sheriff. I want law and order.
You take care of the law, and I'll order.
What'll you have? I don't drink whiskey. It goes to my head.
That's just great.
I'll put it on your head, and I'll shoot it off.
That's much better. The other way I get sick.
What am I sayin'? Get it back up there, or I'll drill you!
Mister, please don't.
I didn't want this mess. I didn't ask to be sheriff.
It's all her fault.
Go ahead and shoot me. You can have her.
The Widow Hawkins.! That drunk I'm not.
Everybody up! Everybody up! You heard...
Shut up. Get those tables up. Yes, sir.
Put your shootin'irons on the table.
Get 'em up there.!
Hey, you, get this roof fixed!
You heard the sheriff. Get this roof... Shut up.!
From now on, I want you all to treat me with respect...
and very little of that.
Go on back to your tables. You heard the sheriff.
Shut up! Yes, sir.
Go on! You heard the sheriff!
Land sakes, he's done it.
That's my boy. You can all go back to your homes.
There'll be no more shootin' in Wagon Gap.
The sawed-off runt's scared.
What sawed-off runt are you calling a sawed-off runt?
You, fatso. Any objections? Yeah!
Oh, I must've meant somebody else.
I guess you did.
Yeah.
Here.
You're too young to smoke cigarettes!
Just a minute.
I don't want you calling anybody a sawed-off runt, or I'll run you outta town.
And I'm the sawed-off runt that can do it too! Yes, sir.
Chester, you're wonderful!
I'm proud of you. Ma'am, while I'm wearing this badge of office,
I'll have no huggin' and chalkin' in public.
And another thing, that goes for any other place too.
Mr. Wooley, I'm apologizing.
Don't let it happen again, ma'am. I won't, Chester.
See what I mean? I'm not to be trifled with.
I wouldn't overdo it. If you get the widow mad, she'll really pour it on.
Oh. So you're still hangin' around...
tryin' to tell me what to do. Oh, now...
Listen, you! If you don't start working and show some means of support,
I'm gonna run you in as a vagrant! Chester, I'm your pal.
You owe everything to me. And I'm a man that pays off.
I'm gonna start paying you off. I'm gonna make you my deputy.
You really are my pal! You like that?
Swell. Your first duty is get to the ranch and take over my chores.
Me? Yes, you! You've been bossing me around long enough.
The worm has turned, and every dog has his day.
Now get out! Just a minute. Ohhh!
Partner,
when you say that, smile.
Morning, Sheriff. Good morning, Sheriff.
Good morning, ladies.
Howdy, Sheriff. Hello, Joe.
Juanita, how are you? Where's your mama?
She just came into town. She's right over there.
Good-bye.
Yoo-hoo.! Sheriff Wooley. I brought your dinner.
It's roast beef today. Just when I was in the mood for chicken!
Now... I got chicken stewin' for supper.
I'll send Eagan back... Never mind, no need. Roast beef will do.
You wait here for me. I'm going to the saloon to stop them from fighting.
They're not fighting. I know, but why wait until the last minute?
I'll be right back. I've gotta see somebody about something.
Hey, there's the sheriff.
The sheriff! The sheriff.
You don't all have to stop talkin' on account of me. Then c'mon, boys.
Shut up!
What'd you say?
I didn't say nothin'. Well, don't say it again.
C'mon, folks, everybody have a good time!
Enjoy yourselves. But don't nobody sneak up behind me.
Put the gun away! Chester, the widow is working me to death.
So? We've gotta get out of town. Tonight, you arrest me.
Then we can get away while the town's asleep.
You like that? Only the part about putting you in jail.
You're starting to like it? Yes. Being sheriff has its advantages.
Listen, Chester. Get your hands off me. Get 'em off!
Ahem.
I've had enough of your flirting.
If another man even looks at you, I'll kill him.
Why, you...
Hello, Sheriff. Have another one.
It's on me.
Chester, you're living in a fool's paradise.
It's not you they're afraid of, it's the widow.
And speaking of the widow, she's out to marry you or else.
Or else what? Or else she'll find somebody else to marry.
Then what? Without her protection, you'd just be another little fat man...
and a lovely target for these men you've been pushing around.
Who would want to marry the widow?
Who? Who? Nobody.
C'mon, everybody. Drinks are on the sheriff!
Who would marry the widow?
Judge, sit down and have a drink.
It's a little crowded over there. But it's free at the bar.
Bartender, milk for everybody. Milk?
What's the matter? Any objections?
Milk!
Milk. I should've listened to you in the first place.
I have something else I think you'd like to listen to.
Have you heard the news about the railroad coming through the widow's property?
No.
They're buying her property for a right-of-way.
You don't say.
That'll probably make her the richest woman in the state.
Hmm.
Bottoms up.
Bottoms up!
Drink up. This stuff will ruin a man's stomach.
So will this.
Looks like the little fat boy is gonna keep dealing us misery.
Worry about him later. Right now, we've got the stage to think of.
Hey, Duke. What's the matter?
What day is today? Wednesday.
I thought so.
Jim, is Frame and his gang gonna be fooled!
What're you getting at? You know you told me the gold was comin' in tomorrow?
I told 'em it was coming in today. Pretty smart, huh?
Send 'em on a wild-goose chase.
The gold is coming today! What?
That wild-goose chase of yours is gonna lay a golden egg... for Frame.
Head off the stage before it reaches Dead Man's Pass.
I'll round up the men and follow.
I get it. We stop the stage.
The bandits are waiting for the stage.
And then you show up instead of the stage. That's well-staged.
Exactly.! Providing you reach the stage.
Don't worry. I ain't got that for nothin'.
Madam, you'll have to get down off that buckboard. We're after the bandits.
C'mon, you'll have to make it snappy.
What do you mean we're going after the bandits?
You wanna play tag with the bandits, go ahead.
Just a minute. Take it easy.
I deputized you, didn't I? Now get in there.
Wooley, I'm agin the whole idea.
When you start ridin' by those bandits, they're liable to start shootin'.
Don't worry. They're not crazy. Well, I am worried.
I'm just sentimental enough not to want my intended shot up.
Madam, it's about time you and I had an understanding.
You may be intending, but I'm not.
Now step aside and let me do my duty! Don't rile me!
It's me protecting you. If you want to keep that protection,
you better be thinking about us gettin' wed.
I got all the protection I need... right here.
Go home before I throw you in the hoosegow for tryin' to scare the sheriff.
Mrs. Hawkins, I've been considering making you a proposition.
Ain't got time, Judge. I can wait.
Wedding bells and train whistles... most melodious.
Yes, indeedy.
What're you slowin' down for? Let's not pass up this chance.
We have horses and a wagon. Nobody's watching.
California's out that way. What kind of a sheriff do you think I am?
I was put in office to uphold the law.
You're my deputy, and you're gonna help me!
Sure, the bandits might not shoot you, but it's open season on me.
You got nothin' to worry about.
You're safe as long as I've got this picture.
What's the matter?
The picture's gone.
Gone? It's gone.
Duke, don't go another step. Hold the horses.
Don't go no further, Duke.
The bandits are right down that road. Should I keep going?
No. No!
Duke, which way does that road go?
To California. California?
California. Over there.
The widow.!
Just had a faint notion...
you'd be heading this way once you found the picture gone.
Let's ride back together.
You and me can discuss terms for keepin' my protection.
What do you say? Giddyap!
Mr. Wooley? Mr. Wooley!
Hurry up. Get down off of there.
Keep your hands up. Get over here.
Frame. Frame!
The sheriff! Mr. Wooley?
Mr. Wooley!
The widow! Giddyap!
Wooley!
Now we lost the gold. Why didn't you shoot the sheriff?
Why didn't you? Me?
And have her chasin' me instead of him? Uh-uh!
Where's the sheriff?
It's here, Jim. He did it!
He saved the gold! If I wouldn't have seen it, I wouldn't have believed it.
Aw, shucks. It was nothing.
I went for my guns, and they went for the hills. Or vice versa. Wooley.!
Wooley. Wooley!
You're a hero. I seen it with my own eyes.
You don't need my picture to be brave. How'd...
But I'd like you to have it, Chester,
to keep close to your heart.
Thank you, ma'am. I sure will.
Those bandits were Frame and his gang! I recognized 'em.
This is it. They're probably on their way back to the Round-Up.
Phil, take a bunch of men and ride ahead. We're gonna get 'em.
There's no need of bloodshed.
I'm gonna bring that gang in single-handed. You're only one man!
There's only one gang. I'll see you all later.
What happened? How do you get outta here? Get on your horse.
Fine bunch of softheaded idiots I tied in with.
I didn't notice you taking a shot at him. Leaving town, I see.
It's all your fault. You and your laws!
That sheriff's got everyone hog-tied.
Not necessarily. If someone would marry the widow,
that would relieve the culprit of his responsibilities, also his power.
Any of you boys want to cut yourselves in? I'd rather leave.
I was speaking of myself. I thought you could hold your liquor.
I'm cold sober, Jake. It's just I desire to settle down in my declining years.
Although the money the little woman will receive from the railroad...
which is coming through her property...
has a slight attraction. So that's it.
If anybody's in line for that money, it's me.
As the one who really killed Hawkins, it's high time I confessed.
I'll thank you to appoint me the family guardian. No deal, Jake.
That's hearsay testimony, and I can't accept it as evidence.
I'll shoot the butterball and inherit the family from him!
You'll have to beat me to it.
Hey, the sheriff is coming to take you in.
Order! If we're not careful, we'll be shooting each other.
The judge is right. It's every man for himself.
But the shot closest to the heart wins. To avoid argument, mark your bullets.
This thing's got to be done nice and legal.
Wait a minute!
Chester, go on in there, but bring 'em out alive.
Don't worry 'bout me. Worry about yourselves.
Take cover. I don't want any of you gettin' hurt.
Go on, take cover!
Here's to the widow. And her money.
May the best shot win. Here's where I get rich.
I never missed a sheriff in my life. Here's to it!
Hey! Here he comes.
Frame, you and your gang come out with your hands up,
or I'm a-comin' in a-shootin'!
Now listen, Frame,
someone is liable to get hurt!
Those dirty skunks, shootin' at Mr. Wooley!
Isn't it about time somebody on our side used a gun? It is.
Phil, take 10 men and break in through the back.
Come with me. We'll draw their fire to keep 'em up front.
Wooley, you stay here with the women. Thanks.
Jim Simpson and the Citizens' Committee.
Barricade the doors and windows.
Get back here, you yellow-livered skunks!
This brawl's gonna decide who runs this town, and it's time you started picking sides.
Unless something or somebody draws their attention,
Jim and them fellers are goners!
I'll do it! They won't dare shoot a woman.
No. You have a family to think of. Chester here'll do it.
Shut up! But I didn't say...
I didn't say anything. That's in case you do.
Duke, tell Phil to hurry. Jim needs help.
When Chester gets there, they'll stop shooting atJim, but I'll go.
You sure this is gonna work? Even Frame wouldn't shoot a woman.
Why don't we all go? That's a good...
Wooley, get goin'.
Pick up the clubs, girls. Lead the way, Wooley.
Go on, lead the way!
Hold your fire, men. Hold it.
Hold your fire!
You women go home where you belong. This is a man's fight.
All right, girls. Forward. Frame, we're coming in.
The sheriff.
Ohhh!
Hey... Hey...
Hawkins.
Duke! Oh!
I'll show you we'll have law and order in this place.
Oh, you poor little thing.
Frame!
Come on.
You might as well quit, boys. You're all through in this town.
Corral 'em all and take 'em to the hoosegow.
I'll see that you all get life and maybe longer!
The federal marshal will take care of that.
We're ridin' the bunch into Butte to turn 'em over.
Okay, you got my permission.
C'mon, everybody.
You better come along. I wanna talk to you.
Mr. Wooley, the citizens of Wagon Gap are deeply indebted to you.
You're a fine man, and you've been carrying another man's burden.
Frame just confessed he was the man that killed Hawkins.
Chester, at last we're on our way.
Mr. Wooley, I was kinda hoping you might have reconsidered...
about hitchin' up. California, here I come.
In that case, Judge Benbow,
I accept your proposal of marriage.
Let's go. Just a minute.
Judge, in regards to the railroad...
How'd you know? Just got the offer this morning.
It's gonna make me the richest woman in these parts.
You chump. If you'd a-married the widow,
we wouldn't have had to work the rest of our lives.
You wouldn't, but she'd have found somethin' for me. You never do anything right.
I don't? Didn't I clean up all the bandits?
Didn't I make the town of Wagon Gap safe for women and children?
So safe that nobody even has to carry a gun?
Giddyap!